Trump Obtained Podiatrist’s Note to Avoid Serving in Own Military Coup

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump obtained a doctor’s note to avoid serving in his own military coup, according to a bombshell book published today.

The book, written by Trump’s New York-based podiatrist, Dr. Harland Dorrinson, reveals that the former President became concerned that, if a military coup that he was masterminding gained critical mass, he might be required to assume an active combat role.

To foreclose that possibility, he contacted Dorrinson, who has written a number of doctor’s notes for Trump over the years.

An excerpt from the note reads, “Donald J. Trump is suffering from extremely painful bone spurs that would make any active-duty participation in a military coup out of the question. In the event of such a coup, I strongly recommend that he be limited to an administrative role.”

The podiatrist’s searing exposé is the thirty-seventh book about the last days of Trump’s Presidency published this week, according to industry estimates.


More Satire from the Borowitz Report

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